Things I Don't Always Say
To my two favorite junior girls at LCHS:
I just wanted to take a quick minute to tell you guys everything I never got/don’t always say.
High school has been and was a pretty hard time for each of us and you'd be wasting your time if you try to convince me otherwise. Now that I'm graduating, when I look back, I don't know how I got through my freshman - junior years without all of you standing next to me. I simply can't remember life without my stubborn, loud, annoying group of friends.
Fortunately, you guys have a little more than one more year, but my days at LCHS are down to single digits. After May 27th, I won't have any more assemblies (or assembly set ups), I won’t have 30-minute lunches or ASB periods with Lively. I won’t have Ms. Zooi as a counselor, Mr. Mcfeat won’t be my principal, and I will never have another locker on the second floor.
When I think about graduation, I always get so wrapped up in the thought of “beginning again” that I forget I’ll have to end this chapter of my life. Somehow, I have to wrap up 4 years of high school, but really 6 years at LCHS, into something I know I can be proud of. Keeping that in mind, there are a few things I want to tell or remind each of you.
First things first, I’m sorry.
These past few months that will soon turn into a year, we’ve been through a lot together. This is for every time one of you wanted an apology from me and never got one. Whether it was me being stubborn, hurt as well, or if I don’t even know what I did, I can assure you that I am sorry. Being all of your guys’ friend means so much more to me than any single argument, any miscommunication, or any wrongdoing. I’m sorry that I often get too caught up in my own life to make time for you, I’m sorry that I don’t always feel up to hangout, and I’m sorry for every time I’ve been petty or talked behind your back. I’m sorry I haven’t always the best friend I could be. For every time I didn’t say sorry, I am. I am so sorry.
Secondly, thank you.
Thank you for all the late nights in the Dank Den, thank you for sticking by me when I’ve been irrational and crazy, and thank you for always being down for In N Out. Thank you for all the laughs, the tears, and everything in between. Thank you for every single inside joke (bye bob, daddy...I mean Joel), every Palm Tree Folk or Eza and the Gayliens group text, and every ounce of love. Thank you for lunch at the North Gym, every summer midnight drive to Krispy Kreme, and every time we weren’t all together, but missed each other terribly. Thank you for the support and the advice you all give me (you are all still right about most things). Thank you for the crazy stories that I will never forget and try to tell people about next year even though I’ll inevitably say “you just had to be there”. Each of you made my high school experience memorable (and bearable), and for that, I am forever grateful. Basically, thank you for being my best friends. I hate that label, but you guys are my best friends.
Third, I'm so proud of you of each of you and I will always support you.
I don’t know what things will be like in August, I don’t know what things will be like this time next year. If we don’t talk every night, every few days, or even every week, know that I will always want the best for you. I know what each of you are capable of, so I truly expect to hear nothing but amazing things all time time. Sure, there will be lows, but I can’t wait to hear about those, too. Next year will be very different, we will be on pretty different paths, but I can promise that I will always be rooting for you guys, individually and as a pair. I can’t wait to hear about all of the things each of you will accomplish during your senior years, so keep me updated! It’ll be amazing to see how far you've come. I'm so proud of the people you are becoming, even if I don't always take the time to tell you.
Fourth, I will always be one call away.
I know I’m not always down to hangout every time we plan to, but if you ever need a friend, I’ll be there. If you’re ever hurting, I'll help you stitch up your wounds. If you’re ever having some trouble finding your place in the world, don’t be afraid to let me know. I know how much life can hurt. Just never forget that you’ve lived through every bad day you’ve had and sometimes you might need to push a little harder to get through a day. That’s okay. Never be afraid to take time to figure yourself out. There will be days when you can't “just let it go”, make sure you guys always talk about what’s bothering you. It’s okay to sweat the small stuff because someday the small stuff feels like the big stuff. You all know I’m always on my phone, never feel like you can’t talk to me. You guys will have a really insane, beautiful, action-packed senior year, and sure, I might not always feel like I’m missing out, but just know that there won’t be a minute when I’m not missing you all. I can’t imagine how I’m supposed to function if I already miss you guys after a weekend of being apart.
Lastly and obviously, I love you guys.
To the moon and back.