Explaining My Bad Summer
If you know me pretty well, you know that I was really homesick this summer (what? Didn’t you spend summer away from LMU and in La Cañada? Exactly.).
My summer was honestly just full of disappointing moments. From trials at home to miscommunications, I am far removed from my life in La Cañada. I don’t mean to convey that I didn’t have any good times, I did. I spent some time with Jessie, I visited Katie, and I got to see my entire Bromley family. I even spent a good part of my summer with Jack in Palos Verdes; most of my favorite summer memories weren’t in my hometown. That being said, I thought I would take this time to explain why I struggled so much this summer to people who I know caught on, but haven’t asked.
1. I no longer feel like I can grow in La Cañada
I definitely don’t think I peaked in highschool, but I think I reached the full potential of what someone can accomplish there. I’m proud of everything I’ve done for the town and the school, but unfortunately, I no longer feel called to help or dedicate my time to either of those places anymore. La Cañada has nothing more to offer me, my dreams exist elsewhere.
2. My days feel empty in my childhood bedroom
My room in LC is bigger than my freshman year dorm room, so suddenly occupying so much space again felt so unnatural. There was so much room that wasn’t filled and the quietness of my house drove me insane while I mourned the noise of my campus. Also, there’s something really depressing about seeing everything from your college desk on your childhood dresser next to your old yearbooks.
3. I don’t like being associated with LCHS or how people from high school treat each other
I feel beyond high school. I had good memories there, but I also have a lot of really sad and unsettling ones. I think if I got to know more people on a more emotionally intimate level, I would enjoy La Cañadians more, but I didn’t. A lot of the people I interacted with were not particularly pleasant in ways people at LMU are. I also went to a birthday party this summer and saw people from my class who I’ve known for 6+ years who didn’t even acknowledge me. I would smile at them and they would look away. Those are actions I would never do to another person.
4. I need to be around people I love and who build me up, I don’t respond to tough love, backhanded compliments, or hearing the “hard truth” said in a way that you know will hurt my feelings.
I don’t know if I need to elaborate more on that.
5. I don’t feel a purpose, motivation, or worth without learning
I’m at my happiest when I’m in a class I love, learning about someone I truly care about. I write more in college, I read more, I grow more. Living a life without learning is genuinely one of my nightmares.
I blossomed in college. Moving back to a place that represents so much negativity was really hard for me. I didn’t have a good summer because I felt like a butterfly being shoved back into a cocoon.
Also for some reason I’m also terrified of murders killing me in my hometown. I have no idea why. That was definitely a struggle this summer. And my job was a total joke.